You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
