before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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