Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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