even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
