im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
