ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
