I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
