oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
