Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
