my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
