I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
