I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
