Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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