the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
