It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
