if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
