there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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