How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
