Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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