For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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