Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
