I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
