Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The power of my boobs compel you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
