I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
