This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
either way he was missing a nipple.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
