we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
