Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
