I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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