guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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