So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
