i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
