I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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