just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
