she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
