So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
false alarm, still single
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
