she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
