Three words: puerto rican gang bang
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
