I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
