I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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