How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
