did you get engaged???
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
