i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
