Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
