Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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