you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
