at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your cock deserves a montage
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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