Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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