I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
