the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
