So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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