just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
